Mary Portas: pants to unemployment

Mary Portas has decided that as she is now the Queen of the High Street she will now turn her hand to reviving British manufacturing by creating a knicker factory in Middleton.

The Bottom Line , her new programme for Channel 4, brings together her passion for improving shopping with her need to understand people and isn’t as patronising as I thought it would be about the current employment situation in the UK. In fact she seems genuinely moved to want to change it all, and then realises that her small pants factory isn’t enough.

Portas has eight jobs to offer and is worried that not enough people will turn up for the roles. On the day only a mere 300 people turn up for the small number of positions available. Even if you would expect that most of these people wouldn’t be able to string a sentence together, the majority were normal people who would be a pleasure in the workplace just some of them had never attempted sewing before.

But once Portas had got her eight it became sort of Big Brother-esque as all the new employees got given a personality according to what Portas thinks about them. The main two are Lauren and Andrew.

Lauren is the wildcard choice who only got the job because Portas sees herself in her, whilst everyone else seems to be seeing someone who doesn’t listen and isn’t prepared to learn. On the other hand we have Andrew, who is willing to learn and better himself for the sake of his son. It was an adorable sight to see a man, who looked hardly a day over 12, wearing his friend’s suit which was several sizes too big for him, talk about wanting to do this for his son. And unexpectedly Andrew was the best one at sewing in the whole group.

The problem with these types of shows is they would have been filmed months ago and part of the drama is knowing whether it will work out or not. This is slightly spoilt by the fact that you can go and buy the pants right now if you wish. But saying that it is a good show and optimistic about the talent of the unemployed people in Britain and wanting to do something about it, rather than ignoring it.

Catch up on 4OD or watch the show on Thursday, 9pm on Channel 4.

Make more like China

Documentaries about the the east are usually a hit in the western world. The bizarre marriage of modern buildings, gadgets and clothes we recognise from home combined with crazy ancient traditions, primitive working conditions and some pretty alien attitudes and values makes for compelling viewing. Gok Wan’s one-off travel documentary ‘Made in China’ for Channel 4 was certainly a fascinating watch.

Everyone’s favourite half-Chinese fashionista went to discover more about his heritage. Despite having ‘Made in China’ tattooed on the back of his neck, Gok confessed that he knew very little about where his family originated from.

So here was, back to try and understand his roots, visit his father’s village and run a little errand for him. The errand, as it turned out was rather interesting. Armed with instructions Gok set off for a ‘paper shop’ to buy an air conditioning unit for his deceased grandmother.

As astonished by the place as his viewers Gok explained that paper shops were where the Chinese can buy a 3D scale version of practically anything, from designer watches to items of food which are designed to then be burned. This ritual burning is supposed to deliver the actual item to the dead, as a gift to a lost loved one. Gok’s dad was worried his mum might be too hot in the afterlife, hence the air con.

Armed with an assortment of items for all sorts of people Gok went to burn them all in front of his family’s shrine in his father’s village. It was a very frank and sweet moment, although he did come quite close to trashing the area and setting fire to himself.

Next Gok went to take a look in a factory that makes jeans, discovering that absolutely every job was done by hand, from cutting pattern after pattern to ironing every single finished pair, 60 every hour. Gok wasn’t too impressed to visit the canteen along with the 3000 workers to find they had no choice of meal whatsoever and had to eat what they were given. As a vegetarian he wasn’t delighted with his pork belly.

China's in Gok's jeans

His final trips included a visit to the studio of an up-and-coming fashion designer, as well as Thames Town – a whole place built to look like a traditional English settlement, complete with mock-Tudor buildings and an exact replica of a church in Bristol. Fascinating but freakishly off-key, Gok seemed to find it very soulless and ironically it made him feel very far from home.

This was a very enjoyable little travelogue, not deep but a lot of fun. I’ve always quite liked Gok Wan but I never realised how amusing he is. Mincing about unashamedly, cracking jokes and talking to everyone in English then wondering why they were ignoring him, he was a very entertaining host but also shared some quite touching moments with the viewer, which was nice.

The only thing that’s a real shame is that they only made one programme.  As Gok said, 7 days isn’t enough to get to know an entire country. China is such an interesting place with so many facets and so much history, they wasted the opportunity to make a whole series.

If you missed it, check out Gok Wan: Made in China on 4OD: http://www.channel4.com/programmes/gok-wan-made-in-china/4od

 

My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding returns

Whether you love it or loathe it, My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding is must see television. Whilst the show was on we collected people’s thoughts, jokes and comments on the show.

1. Share
   “

   They look like two quality street wrappers. #gypsywedding

   bourbonbiscuits

   Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:55:42

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2. Share
   “

   I’m a pineapple and she’s a palm tree #gypsywedding

   Mollie.

   Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:43:04

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3. Share
   “

   #gypsywedding

   I just saw a load of sparks coming out of the back of a caravan.

   I think it’s a big fat gypsy, welding⚡

   ♠♥millers_on_fire♣♦

   Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:38:38

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4. Share
   “

   #gypsywedding now I have seen it all a 10 tier cat cake!!! Oh polystyrene tiers yum yum!

   Ellie Drew Biebs☺♥

   Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:32:29

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5. Share
   “

   I hate it when the gypsy girls put on the same outfit as what I was planning to wear #gypsywedding

   Ciara Baxendale.

   Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:31:38

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6. Share
   “

   the dresses on #gypsywedding.. oh.my.god

   harrys wife

   Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:31:14

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7. Share
   

   LOL at this little boy getting his hair did! #GypsyWedding http://lockerz.com/s/183824128

   STAYFRESH.

   Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:27:00

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8. Share
   “

   “The priest gave me the body of Christ …. I’ve got Jesus in me mouth” good lord … #gypsywedding

   Cari J.

   Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:22:13

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9. Share
   “

   Gypsy wedding just gets better and better….’I didn’t want flowers on my dress, I decided I wanted a cat.’ Haha #gypsywedding

   CharlieFallows

   Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:19:52

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10. Share
    “

    The irony of spending thousands of pounds to look so painfully cheap… #gypsywedding

    Andy Howarth

    Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:14:39

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11. Share
    “

    False tanning yourself for God. Only in #gypsywedding would hear that!!

    Linzi Ashe

    Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:08:22

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12. Share
    

    Who needs a man tonight.. When you have big fat gypsy wedding 😀 http://t.co/QDFva28o

    katie_bwfc

    Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:20:07

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13. Share
    

    Big Fat Gypsy Wedding http://t.co/yvbrzSU4

    calistautomo

    Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:20:07

    ReplyRetweet
14. Share
    

    Just working and in pops the girl from big fat gypsy wedding!! http://t.co/lAHzunXs

    rachel_tomlin

    Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:20:07

    ReplyRetweet
15. Share
    “

    How Big Fat Gypsy Weddings changed the face of Channel 4… bit.ly/ztZRTz #bgfw

    Radio Times

    Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:20:07

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16. Share
    

    Spotted this advert for My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding on the tube. For shame Channel 4, for shame… http://t.co/MLtMkU26

    alexperryman

    Tue, Feb 14 2012 16:20:07

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All I want for Christmas is lots of television

As we are only seven weeks away from Christmas Day it is time to speculate about what will be on our television screens for the big day and look at some of the highlights so far.

The BBC has the usual big players with the Strictly Come Dancing special, Doctor Who  and a Top Gear special which this year is in India, according to Jeremy Clarkson.

ITV so far has been keeping most of its Christmas plans as secret as Santa’s naughty and nice list. All that is known so far is there will be a Christmas episode of Downton Abbey.

However, there are a few surprises slipped away in our seasonal stocking. Channel 4 will be showing what Gypsy King, and Big Brother winner, Paddy and his family do at Christmas and of course some snowy weddings take place as well.

There is the usual fill of cookery and craft programmes with Jamie’s Christmas, River Cottage Christmas and Gordon’s Christmas Cook-a-long Live just on Channel 4 alone, with Kirstie Allsopp’s Handmade Britain series, which is on at the moment, culminating with two Christmas themed specials.

The BBC’s big drama adaptations include a three-part special of Great Expectations and The Borrowers, with Stephen Fry, Victoria Wood and Christopher Eccleston. Whilst ITV has Lawrence Fox in the depressing sounding Christmas drama Fast Freddie, The Widow and Me, which follows a car salesman who is found guilty of drink driving. Channel 4 has a yuletide edition of This is England 88.

And Christmas would not be complete with a good laugh, the Beeb has a Christmas edition of most of its big comedy series such as QI, Rev, Mock the Week and Outnumbered. But making another return is Absolutely Fabulous with a Christmas and New Year’s Day special.

Channel 4 has the, now well established, Big Fat Quiz of the Year hosted by Jimmy Carr, Chris Moyle’s Christmas Quiz as well as a Christmas and New Year edition of Alan Carr’s Chattyman.

However, my highlight will be the Aardman special. No Wallace and Gromit this year but there will be a 30 minute Christmas Eve special of Timmy Time.

Essex comes good

Educating Essex came to an end last night. It was heart-warming stuff, as the Year 11s celebrated (mostly) their exam results, experienced their first ‘prom’ and looked forward to moving on to college, university or the world of work.

But I was just sad that the series was over. Disappointingly I only discovered this excellent series halfway through its run but I was addicted from the start.

If The Only way is Essex is controversial for making ‘celebrities’ out of ordinary and, at times, rather ignorant people, Educating Essex has uncovered the true stars of Essex- the amazing teachers at Passmores School in Harlow.

This fly-on-the-wall documentary showed the day to day running of a secondary school and we were able to watch how the staff tackled a variety of problems from truanting and disruptive pupils, to a pregnant teenager.

Everything was dealt with with immense compassion and patience. Difficult pupils were taken aside and spoken to with respect and kindness to try and get to bottom of what was wrong by the astonishingly understanding Miss Conway, with a surprising amount of success.

If this didn’t work they were referred to deputy head Mr Drew for the slightly tougher approach. Indeed, as well as being a highly effective disciplinarian, whilst still being well-liked by pupils Mr Drew brought a lot of laughs to the programme with his quirky and sarcastic sense of humour.

Mr Drew (left) and Mr Goddard

His approach to tackling a schoolgirl using a bad word was original. “So you called your teacher a pr**k? You called him a male sexual organ. Can you tell me in what way Mr King is a penis? How does him asking you to stop talking make him a penis?” he says, his words dripping with disdain. Getting her to explain herself, soon embarrassed her into submission. I’m sure that girl will think twice before calling her teachers names again (within earshot of the staff at least!)

The headmaster Mr Goddard must be the most caring headteacher in the land, shedding a tear when a troubled young lad who they tried tirelessly to help, slipped through the net, stopped turning up to school and wasted his potential.  Shedding a tear when a lovely boy, Ryan, who has Asberger’s Syndrome made an impromptu speech in assembley saying how much he loved his school. Shedding a tear when the Year 11s were moving on.

Admittedly, these kids, despite many of them being difficult (and orange…but that’s a whole different issue) seem to be far from the hardcore young thugs we read about in the newspapers making adults’ lives nightmares, but still these teachers are inspirational.

And they (on the whole) get results. Apparently this year the school has done better than ever before with nearly 70% of pupils gaining 5 or more A*-Cs in their GCSEs, as well as being labelled ‘outstanding’ by OFSTED. And very well deserved I think.

I really hope they make another series of this great documentary, showcasing the real heroes of Essex.

Seven Dwarves reaches unexpected heights

When Channel 4 announced reality television series Seven Dwarves it did feel like we were going to get a show like Big Fat Gypsy Wedding mixed with the worst kind of programmes that Channel 5 has to offer. Instead we have a genuinely touching series filled with lovely, honest people and it doesn’t matter about their height.

Although it aimed to break through the presumptions and the stereotypes that dwarves have to deal with in fact you learn about some really interesting lives that are then thrown together each Christmas to play the comedy roles in panto season.

Taking one of the actors and looking at their lives in an in-depth manner each week, whilst also seeing the interactions with everyone else as well we learn more about them as the series develops.

In some respects it is like Big Brother as these larger than life characters have been brought together to be watched over such as Britain’s only dwarf drag queen act and a swimming world champion who has only just turned 21. In fact three of the participants have been best friends since they were young, two have started a relationship and although some of them may be new to showbiz they are all friends, not people who will stab them in the back once out of the house.

Although there are sad elements when the crew talk to family members when they delve into their family and being dwarves they have had a number of medical problems to contend with along with the usual ups and downs of life, overall it is amazing to just watch them like when they started doing bad Hitler impersonations.

The odd thing is being a dwarf does open all sorts of job opportunities. Most of the seven people featured are actors or performers but some have normal jobs in offices but come to the theatre each Christmas as one of the participants, Max, says to do the “hi ho shit” aka the panto season. Others come from acting legacy families who were ewoks and some are paid to dress up as Oompa Loompas and other amusing characters to follow stag night parties around.

So what started as an amusing idea actually became something quite touching and even though they are talking about their lives as dwarves in parts of the show it is not the focus. Whether that means it has succeeded or they just had genuinely interesting people to talk to I don’t know.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Behind the Magic

ITV was pretty quick off the mark with this one. Just one day after the much-anticipated Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 hit cinemas nationwide, ITV treats us to an hour long special delving behind-the-scenes of the film, sharing all the insider gossip and glimpses of how it was made.

A cheery Ben Shepherd fronts the show, racing enthusiastically from the set of the destroyed Great Hall where he learns about crafting rocks out of polystyrene, to the makeup room to have a bloody wound emblazoned on his face and then on to interview the young leads, Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint, as well as some of the other characters.

This special is a lot of fun. It doesn’t, as ITV lead us to believe, share a great deal of secrets or film content with us, but then that would be a bit daft, since most viewers probably haven’t have seen the movie yet and don’t want it spoilt.  It served its purpose, though, making me even more excited about seeing Deathly Hallows 2 than I was before.

It also flagged up three important things I had not previously realised:

1 :  I HATE the three stars, especially Emma Watson. Not only has she stolen my name, but she has no right to be so pretty. And they’ve all turned out so nice, down-to-earth and self-deprecating, normal even. After ten years as child actors they should be checking into at least their third spell in rehab by now. It’s not natural…

2: Helena Bonham Carter owns a mobile phone and sends text messages. She also displays many other signs of being human.

3: Since when did Neville become fit?

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2: Behind the Magic can now be found on ITVPlayer.

Torchwood talk: The new world

The first episode of any series for Russell T Davies always seems to be difficult. Look at the first episode of any series of Doctor Who under his leadership. They were light-hearted and enjoyable until you watch the series openers by Steven Moffat and realise just how much better Moffat is at getting the audience hooked.

So it wasn’t really a shock that it took a good 25 minutes until the hero of the show, Captain Jack, turned up. And even then we hadn’t seen him since David Tennant’s Doctor had hooked him up with Alonso and where do we next see him? Logically in some building in America filled with boxes of files.

It was also a slow start as it took the time to explain, quite nicely, the fact that nobody could die. There were dramatic shots of a man being sentenced to death who just would not die and CIA agent Rex Matheson pierced with some piping but somehow still breathing.

RTD did his usual technique to demonstrate that something important was happening as people flicked between the news channels all declaring it to be “Miracle Day”. It was supposed to be a worldwide threat and yet no one seemed scared or confused just hospital staff weirded out that patients weren’t dying and worrying that the corridors were getting clogged.

Even though there were faults as a Torchwood fan these facts were overlooked on first viewing as I was just excited for the series to be back and the attention to detail and nice little mentions of things just for fans.

For example, Jack used the name Owen Harper as a fake name, it was the same people playing Gwen’s parents and Sergeant Andy Davidson made an appearance.

Some predictable moments like Gwen shooting at the bad guys, gun in one hand and baby daughter in the other and jokes about the toll bridge into Wales. Yet although predictable they were still fantastic moments.

The massive budget that Torchwood has been given is a blessing and a hindrance. Testing the extent of “Miracle Day” as they removed the head from a helpless corpse was disgusting, especially the blinking. But compare that with the helicopter chase on the beach which seemed unnecessary and looked a bit naff it was strange to think that they came from the same show.

In The Writer’s Tale, a collection of email correspondence between Russell T Davies and Doctor Who Magazine journalist Benjamin Cook detailing writing, planning and filming of the fourth series of Doctor Who RTD always had to think of cheap ways to get round expensive stunts. Now that he seems to have a limitless pot of money he doesn’t seem to be challenged to improve it.

The over Americanisation of the series that people were worried about is sort of there but nothing much to worry about. Yes it seemed weird having a captain saying this field full of sheep is Wales, but if that is the extent then I think we can live with that.

So it seemed like any RTD opener — potential but we can’t quite tell how the series will end up yet.